3 Years and Counting...
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes on not on what is seen but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
May 3rd. Here we go again. 3 years on the 3rd. The first anniversary of my dad's entering heaven was almost a breath of fresh air, like I could finally start moving forward after a year of hellish sadness. The second anniversary was bearable, sad but far better than anything in year one. Now, the third anniversary is here and I'm just plain sad.
This year is the first with my daughter-and he's not here. I know with unwavering faith that my dad is walking with our Savior Jesus in heaven. There is not a shred of doubt in my mind that he is not suffering anymore. I am still amazed at God's mercy and goodness is taking my father home to heaven when He did. Because of Jesus' suffering, death, and resurrection I can confidently say that my dad is rejoicing at his Savior's side.
Yet I am still sad. I'm sad that Laura will never know her Papi. He's not here to hold her hands. He's not here to laugh with her. He's not here to adore her. He's not here to love her. He's not here to watch her grow in God's grace & goodness. He's not here to see me be a mommy.
Deep breath, Katie. He's not here. Sometimes it is still so hard incredibly hard to believe. He was always there for me. Gosh, I miss him.
Now more than ever I need to refocus. I have to turn to the cross otherwise sadness wins in the next few days especially. Here is my new mantra:
So we fix our eyes on not on what is see but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
What is eternal is that Jesus lives. What is eternal is that He has washed away our sins. What is eternal is that my dad is no longer suffering. What is eternal is that Laura will know Jesus & her Papi in heaven someday. What is eternal is that Jesus never leaves nor forsakes us. What is eternal is that no matter how sad I rightfully feel, my joy will be infinitely greater when I meet Jesus. What is eternal is God's grace & goodness.