Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22
Tonight I was deeply hurt by individuals I considered to be friends. It amazes me still to this day that people my age, into my thirties, can be catty, deceitful, and cruel. I joined a group for support for an issue very, very close to my heart. There as I was reading through past posts, I found references to me that were cruel & heartless, self-centered & unloving. I instantly broke down in sobs. I truly did not believe women my age talked about each other behind backs. I'm completely shocked & dumbfounded. I did not see this coming, especially about this particular subject, breastfeeding.
Anyone who knows me or read this blog or saw my Facebook page in the last year knows the emotional turmoil I've been through in regard to breastfeeding. And yet, there I was mocked and talked about.
I get it. We're all sinful. Every single one of us. None better than another. Really along those lines, I shouldn't be surprised or deeply hurt. I should expect nothing more than this type of behavior from myself as well as others. But man, this one hurts. I'm 30 years old. Can't people be adult enough to be honest with one another? Where's the love? Where's the self-sacrificing, looking toward others, love?
I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Do I go to these women and tell them they've hurt me (following Matthew 18)? Do I let it lie because the relationships have passed on naturally already? I can forgive but how I can forget? How can I stay in this group to gain the knowledge I need to successfully breastfeed the next time around when all I'll think about is the cruel words of others? I'm just torn and so very hurt. Tears spilled over breastfeeding yet again...Unbelievable.
I need to look to the cross. To Jesus' love for me and them. Lord knows, I've done much much worse against Him. Yet not only did He forgive, He willingly died on the cross and rose again showing His indescribable love for me. In the moment I read their words I felt unloved. Reminding myself of Jesus and I know without a shred of doubt that I have never been unloved. I will forgive. I will strive to forget. I will pray for them.
I am hurt, deeply hurt. Give me the strength to see myself and others as the sinners we are. Help me to live as the saint you've made me with your gift of salvation in Jesus. Give me peace & strength to rise above and show the love that You've shown to me in all I think, do, and say. Lead me to repent for the sins I've knowingly done against others as well as the unintentional suffering I've caused people. Bring these women to the same kind of repentance. Guide us to live & act in true love, your love towards one another. Heal my hurt and help me move on.
In Jesus' name, Amen.