08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012 | Giggles & Goodness

Sometimes You Just Have to be Able to Laugh

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

My morning today was one of those where if you can't laugh, you might as well cry...or hide in your bed with the covers over you! Sit back and picture in your mind the craziness that was my morning...

It all started last night as Laura was still gabbing away in her crib at 8:45p, well past her usual 7p night-night time. I had that sinking feeling that it was going to be a long night for baby and mommy. She woke up screaming hungry at 1am and I thought ok, this might not be so bad. Well, that was until 5:15am rolled around and Laura decided she'd like to throw one of her infamous parties in her crib. Giggling, playing, laughing, crying, giggling, playing, laughing, crying...you get the picture. This vicious circle went round and round until somewhere around 6:45am when she fell back asleep. I figured I was in for maybe 45 minutes more slumber if I was lucky.

Fast forward to 8:30a! Never, and I mean, never has this little sleep terrorist slept past 7:45a at the very latest. Therefore it never occurred to me that I'd actually need to set an alarm to make it to music class almost a half hour away at 9:30. If there's one thing that is my biggest pet peeve, it's being late, or even remotely close to being late. I get anxious, overwhelmed, and become a true nightmare when I'm running late. Just ask my husband (and by the way, Mathew, sorry for letting my monstrous nature rear its ugly head this morning! Yikers!). I jumped out of bed asking, well more like telling Matt to grab Laura, changer her diaper, and please for the love of God feed her a bottle quickly! I knew that if I took an empty-stomached little Laura to a 45 minute music class, things would NOT be good.

So much for my plans, Laura refused to eat but just wanted to play. By the time I got out of the shower and looked decent (ok let's be real, I looked like a sweating, flustered mess running around like Godzilla trying to gather all the crap that comes along with carting little miss thing anywhere!), it was time to leave, well five minutes past time to leave. I'd have no breakfast, and more importantly, no coffee. I repeat, not good.

Traffic here bites the big one in the morning and there is literally no other way to go to music class than straight through it. Try as I might while still being a careful driver (after peeling out of the parking lot, sweat running down my face) I pulled in five minutes late. Sigh, anger and anxiety set in. Laura still hadn't eaten either. We sit down with all the other put together mommies and kids who are so nicely sitting on laps and joining along.

Would that be my little march-to-the-beat-of-her-own-drum kiddo? Yeah, hell no. She immediately launches herself off of my lap and proceeds to practice downward facing dog, her favorite yoga pose in the middle of the circle while the rest of the class sings the hello song. Then after showing her mad flexibility skills, her intimidation stare downs begin. She goes to practically everyone in the room, one-by-one, and gives them the look. ---------------------->

All I could do was turn red and laugh. Not sure what the others were thinking as I was seriously avoiding eye contact by now. After the stare downs came the stomping-shuffle and shouting mid-singing. You can't make this stuff up. She was in rare form today. At least by this point some other kiddos were off moms' laps and doing their own thing...hopefully not because of the influence of my little pistol.

Laura's favorite part of music class is when we play with the instruments. My least favorite part of music class is when we play with the instruments. Laura puts them all in her mouth, takes from other less intimidating babies, and then throws a holy tantrum of all tantrums when it's time to put them away. Today was no exception. She even started a tantrum on my lap then looked quietly around the room, gathering attention, threw herself down in the middle of the circle and wept bitterly. Le Sigh. What can you do? I say, make excuses, as many as I can. I picked her up and sheepishly attributed her behavior to not eating very much that morning. Yeah, I don't think they bought it either.

Finally music class was over and it was time for coffee...and maybe breakfast. First I sat in the back seat with Laura and fed her a long-over due bottle. My next stop was the new drive-thru Panera for a totally non-healthy, but much deserved cinnamon crunch bagel (a-ma-zing) and a large coffee. I place my order and no lie, 15 minutes later am at the window feeling rather disheveled and stabby (thanks, for the term cousin). I'm handed my bagel, pay $2.45 (hmmm....that seems low) and the worker walks away. Normally I'd just say what the hell and go home to a pot of coffee but seeing how my morning was going there was no telling how the rest of my drive home would go. So I honked my horn, flailing my arms out of the window like a crazy person, only to have the worker return running with my coffee. I pointed out that I needed to pay for said cup o' sanity and he said nope, it's ok. Being without food or drink for the entire morning, my brain wasn't functioning enough to comprehend that he was giving me a free coffee. Being the redonkulus human being I am, I argued that I needed to pay. He again said, "Honey, it's on the house." Oh...enter total embarrassment and humiliation. I couldn't even muster the ability to giggle, laugh, make a coherent statement. I hope I at least murmured a thank you. He must have taken one look at my frazzled, discombobulated self and had nothing but sheer pity for the sweaty, sad mother at the window. Either way....I'll take a free coffee...and subsequently run away.

Once home I decided a dance party in the kitchen with Laura was just what I needed to shake off this comedy of errors morning. We danced and laughed away all the craziness that was this morning.

If there's one thing I've had to learn as a mom, things very rarely go according to plan or schedule. You've got to roll with the punches and learn to laugh at yourself, your kid, and everything else. Thank you, Mathew, for dealing with my uptightness on a regular basis. Thank you, Panera man, for my free coffee and your pity. Thank you, Laura-love, for helping me to loosen up & laugh, to learn to dance in the kitchen for no reason, and to take life & all that comes with it less seriously.

And now, it's quiet and my little maniac is sleeping. Time to relish the calm.

Let Your Light Shine

Sunday, September 16, 2012

This week I have a few opportunities to step outside my comfort zone (and out of my house...yay!) to get together with others moms and little ones. I can already say that my palms are a little bit sweaty. Contrary to what most people think about me (that I am an uber-confident, full of self-esteem mega mom hahahaha!) I get EXTREMELY nervous meeting and talking with new people. I've been known to break out in a full on sweat-fest from my hairline to my toes (Gross, I know. Just think how I feel!). There's just something about striking up and carrying on a conversation with a small group of new peeps that sends my mind reeling. Ask me to give a speech in front of a huge auditorium full of strangers and I'm golden, no sweat, no pain. But, give me a tiny group of 3 and I'm borderline panicking.

I've avoided places, parties, and functions for fear of the sweat factor & the intense nerves. From my high school years on I can recall feeling like this more often than not. Working with my counselor and gaining some much needed self-confidence helped beyond belief when I lived in Orlando but down here in FM, I'm struggling again. I worry that instead of seeing me, people I meet with see my shortcomings & failures, cast judgement, and subsequently avoid future convos with Sweaty McGee, I mean, me. ;) Even writing that now I see how truly absurd it is. I need to remind myself that 99% of people that I talk with are not even thinking about me. That selfish human nature is inside all of us, so why would I think they'd be focusing so intently on me???

More than anything I need the reminder that instead of seeing the sinner in me, there's the blood-bought saint that can be shining forth. Again, it's not about me. I am a child of God, bought by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus my Savior. That is who people should be seeing when they look at me, hear my words, and see my actions. Jesus said in His sermon on the Mount, "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:14-16).

Rather than spend time and energy worrying about whether or not people will see my failures, sins, and shortcomings, I can focus on showing them Jesus, His love, grace, gentleness, and mercy. Oddly enough, that thought takes a whole lot of pressure off of me. I can go into this week with a peace, joy, and excitement at being given the opportunity to let my light shine.

Ah, I feel better now. :)

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for always being with me. Thank you for giving me opportunities to share my faith and be a witness of your grace. Give me a calm and gentle mind so that I can focus on being a mirror of your love to those I meet.

In your name I pray, Amen.

Whatever is lovely...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

I've found that most nights I'm given quiet moments where my mind is clearer and I can regain a solid focus on God and His amazing, good gifts. I don't have the distractions of every day life in Laura's darkened room. I'm a person who gets easily and frighteningly quickly wrapped up in sin. I thank God for these times when He gives me a peaceful mind. Tonight was one of those blessed moments.

Every night I rock Laura while giving her a bedtime bottle. I've only not done this a handful of times. It is by far my favorite time with her. I sing my favorite hymns about Jesus while she plays with my hair, arms, or fingers. And I can't forget to mention that she also snuggles with her blessed lovey grey elephant. During these moments I often find myself thinking about how she's changed and how much she's growing and learning. Tonight while doing our evening routine I was reminded how blessed I am.

Laura is becoming such an awesome little kid & so bursting full of personality. (So much so that the young dad we sat next to in church today smiled at me after the service and said, "Well she's definitely a character, huh?") She's running through the house, twirling and dancing at will. Tonight she was giggling uncontrollably at a tennis ball that we were rolling and bouncing back and forth. She will randomly come up to me, hug me while pat-pat-patting my back and say "huggie." It. Melts. My. Heart.

I absolutely adore her spunk and tenacity. She is fearless, knows what she wants, and oh so smart! There is definitely no fooling Laura. She sees something once and remembers it. I love how she can sit by herself looking at her books for 20 minutes straight but also let us know when she wants a playmate. She's learning to listen so well. She shows so much love. We went to music class for the first time and she literally hugged or tried to kiss every child in the room. It was adorable. We've been so immeasurably blessed by God with this little bundle of love. I like to think of these things. I pray that I have more gentle moments like these where I can keep my mind on the pure & good...the blessings.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4: 4-5,8

Dear Gracious Father in heaven,
Words don't say enough thank yous for the wonderful blessing of our little girl. You know my heart and how much love I have for Laura. Thank you for loving her even more than I can fathom. Thank you for you providence and grace. Thank you for entrusting us with the privilege of being parents. Help us to guide Laura in Your ways that she may show Your love to all.
In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Just Another Day in Paradise...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

This Phil Vassar song plays in my head... a lot. This morning was a particularly rough one for me. Laura was moody. Pepper had a flea on her (not good when you're me and you're borderline OCD). The pediatrician's office called informing us that the insurance we use for Laura (out of our own pocket) is worthless and we need to pay up. Sigh, needless to say, by the time I actually sat down for breakfast my head was pounding something fierce.

As I was sitting next to Laura and trying to drink one whole cup of coffee, I looked up and saw this:

Alas, my love of fall and my subsequent early decorating bit me in the booty, smacked me in the face, gave me a wake up call. I was in the midst of throwing myself one heck of a pity party when instead I should have been thanking God that my problems are so small. I stopped in my tracks by God's good grace and asked for forgiveness and did one of my long-forgotten but favorite things to do: made a list of things I'm grateful for. I've found that when I'm down or my perspective is skewed this is a sure fire way of snapping back into place.

So tonight, I'm thanking God for:

the forgiveness of sins and promise of life eternal won through Jesus, my Savior.
the blessing of a beautiful family--a loving & hard-working husband and an intelligent, healthy & hilarious daughter.
a home, food, clothing, and the beyond essentials that He gives me daily.
doctors...even if we're stuck with a big bill because I know God always provides.
a bathtub, washing machine, and flea medicine for my dear little Pepper-dog.
rest when I need it.
His word to remind me of all the things I take for granted, how I am forgiven of those sins and all others, and His promise of heavenly peace & comfort by His side.
the grace-filled moments where He shows me what's really important and guides me away from my sin of self-pity & worry.

"Give thanks to the LORD for He is good; His love endures forever." Ps. 118:1

Time to be Honest...I Need Help

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Many of you might be thinking that you've know that for a while ;) but today, I hit my all time low, rock bottom...I am the heaviest I have ever been. I feel like crap. I have no energy. I'm a terrible example for my little girl. I'm a poor steward of the healthy, disease-free body God gave me. I'm truly ashamed. I can't believe I let it get to this point. Well...time to be honest. No more excuses. No more lack of accountability. No more laziness.

I took a walk today after I weighed myself for the first time in a long time and I cried. Hard. It's devastating and extremely difficult to realize that my weight is something I'm going to have to battle all my life...but no more excuses. I can't and definitely don't want to defeat and abuse myself anymore. On my walk I calculated in my head how long it would take me to get down to the low end of my healthy weight range for my height and age. Hold on to your socks...if I lose the recommended 1-2 pounds a week, it will take me 2 YEARS! Yes, folks, that's right, two years to be at a healthy weight. Funny enough, that number didn't make me feel defeated or like I shouldn't even try. Instead it motivated me. I said to myself, "It's two years to add fifteen or more to my life."

Next on my walk I thought of a list of Don't Wants/Wants:

DON'T WANT:

Diabetes
Heart Disease
Cancer
To be out of breath playing with my daughter
To feel tired and lack energy
Laura to be embarrassed of me
To teach Laura bad behaviors and perpetuate the cycle of poor health
To look at pictures of myself and feel embarrassed and sad--------------------------->
To have to buy even bigger clothes
To sin against God by being slothful, lazy, and a poor steward

WANTS:

To live a God-pleasing, healthy life
Be free of allergies, ailments, diseases
Live my entire Time of Grace being a good steward of this body
Be able to keep up with my full-energy daughter
Feel vibrant, young, and energized
To be a good example of healthy living for Laura
To live long enough to see my grandchildren
To buy smaller clothes :)
To feel beautiful and proud when I look at myself

There are big steps I've taken already to get myself back on track to hit these goals. First, I've realized and said out loud that there is something seriously wrong that needs to be taken care of. I've asked the hubby for help and support. I've switched our diets to minimally processed foods, healthy fats, and veggies and fruits (as much organic as our budget can take). I started moving today with a long, sweaty walk with Laura. (I plan on alternating walking and video workouts.) I'm writing about my struggle and making it public. Some might think this is totally embarrassing and a ridiculous idea but for me, it means accountability. I'm asking for people to ask me how it's going, encourage me, and pray for me. If I go back to not caring, I'll be playing Russian Roulette waiting for the day when the doctors diagnose me with some disease. I can't risk that. Not anymore. The older I get the harder this fight will be.

So I'll be checking in here on my blog at the end of each month. I'll let y'all know how I'm doing, how many pounds I've lost, how I'm feeling, and share pictures. The fear of disappointing myself, my daughter, husband, and all of you is a way of keeping me going. Even more so would be your encouraging thoughts and prayers, reminders of what I'm fighting for. I'm asking you to help me. Keep me focused and fighting for good health while I still have a fighting chance to get it. And if anyone feels like paying for my personal trainer, you won't have to twist my arm to accept ;)

Check-In 8/29/12

Pounds lost: None yet

Clothing Size: 18/20

How I'm Feeling: More motivated than I've ever been

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please forgive me for abusing the body You've given me. Help me to be motivated and strong. Move others to help me and keep me on track. Bless these efforts for my sake and Laura's sake. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Fall Family Fun Fest

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Well, in my mind fall has begun! Maybe it's the looming hurricane coming our way or the never-ending humid hotness of Florida but I am more than ready for my absolute favorite time of the year: Fall!

Some of my best childhood memories are from the cold, crisp Michigan fall seasons. When I was little, my sister and I would spend hours building leaf houses. We'd rake up all the fallen, crunchy leaves (and even the nasty wet ones, too!) and then makes outlines of our pretend house using the leaves. We'd use one or two nails stuck in the tree in the front yard as coat hooks. We could play for hours outside. I absolutely loved it.

Michigan is one of the best places to be for fall. (Florida--not so much.) So since I moved to Florida 8 years ago I always itch for a visit to the great north when the beginning of September hits. I usually try to fly up there in October some time. (The one or two years that I didn't make it up for my visit, I was either highly depressed or seeking some fall-ness in Tennessee with our good friends!) I dubbed my annual pilgrimage to Michigan: Fall Family Fun Fest!(FFFF)

During FFFF, I try to squeeze in much needed visits with my family, my mom, sisters, brother, nephew, aunts, uncles...whoever I can find! We always to go to Bayne's Apple Valley Farm where I used to be a caramel apple girl in high school. There we sit and whisper about the falsehoods that are their "home baked pies." (My cousin has recently called this place "The House of Lies." The name fits.) Nonetheless, they have amazing caramel apples (apples flown in from Washington state...don't be deceived.) They have beautiful autumn decor, a cider house with the most delicious apple cider ever, and my favorite: cider donuts! There's also a little pumpkin patch complete with stick-your-face-in cutouts. (See picture ;)

We also HAVE to go to Johnson's Giant Pumpkin Farm
( http://johnsonsgiantpumpkins.net/index.php ). Just click on that link and you will instantly be jealous of my FFFF trip. They have everything from corn mazes, to little barrel rides for kids, pony rides, goat feeding (my nephew's favorite!), hot cider, craft fair, mums, hay rides, pumpkin launching, loads of pumpkins to buy, and giant characters made out of pumpkins & hay. It. Is. Awesome. I simply cannot wait to see Laura's face when we go this year! She's going to be so excited, though probably not as much as I will be!

This FFFF will be the longest, most funtivity-filled trip yet. Laura & I will be in Michigan for ten whole days in the beginning of October. She will get to experience the chilly air, color-changed leaves, pumpkin carving, a fall treat baking extravaganza, and lots of QT with her Michigan family.

So after my funky, feeling down week, I decided it was time to decorate for fall. I'm now sitting in my harvest-y home, smelling some apple-cinnamon candles, clicking through pics of earlier trips, dreaming of what promises to be one rockin' Fall Family Fun Fest!

Motivation...or lack there of

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Wow, this week has just been awful in the motivation department. I simply can't get my hiney moving to get done the things I want to accomplish. I have checked a few things off the list but it's been like pulling my own teeth (and how weird is that mental picture??). I've just been so wicked tired this week. Summer is dragging on...and on. There's apparently a hurricane looming somewhere nearby (mental note: check hurricane prep box. mental note #2: create hurricane prep box). Laura's been waking up a lot at night (thank you, big fat one year molars). I just can't seem to find energy to do anything.

I often struggle with whether or not this is wrong. Is it wrong to take breaks like this? Is it against God's will to shut down for a few days? When things are overwhelming does God give us permission to take a step back and breathe for a bit?

I envy my husband on days like this. He is currently working three, yes, that's right, 3 jobs to make it possible for me to stay home with Laura. He's a true workhorse of a man. He can work and work and work endlessly. Honestly, if I don't remind to drink water or eat during the day, there's a good possibility that he'll entirely forget. He can't sit and relax if there are things on his to-do list. I have no problem shutting down and shutting off when I need a break (which I believe is actually a good quality because I've seen him burnout quite a few times). But, this week it's the turning back on and starting back up that I'm having trouble with. What's the solution? I've got nothing. Somebody, anybody with an answer, now's your time to weigh in!

Maybe making another list in hopes that it will motivate me to do something will help (don't get too excited, Mathew...I'm not setting deadlines for checking off the items on said list ;)

Things to Think About Doing

Dig out, dust off, and actually use yoga/workout dvds.
Plan Mornings with Mommy sessions.
Take my vitamins every day.
Lay out a workable budget for the fam.
Take Laura to Baby Rhyme Time at the library finally.
Dig out fall decorations from storage (Yuppers, there's the winner, ladies & gentleman. I finally have the urge to do something....decorate for my favorite season which I don't actually get to experience because I live in Florida. But, hey, a girl can pretend, can't she?)

When it all boils down, whether I write a list or not, God has given me what I need and sometimes I think that includes rest. One thing I've realized in all this rambling is that being anxious about needing rest is the opposite of helpful.

"Return to your rest, o my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." Psalm 116:7

Dear Jesus,

Forgive me if I'm being lazy. Help me to work like you want me to. Help me find the motivation and kick in the pants I need to do the work you've set for me to do. Just help me to do your will, O Lord.

In your holy name, I pray. Amen.

Sheesh, I'm Blushing...

Monday, August 20, 2012

I've been given a nod, a kudos, a pat on the back, and most importantly a "keep it up." While it's definitely true that I write this blog not so much caring that others read but it has been awesome to get private messages telling me how my stories & craziness has helped them in some way. Makes my heart a little warmer and bigger (Visualize the Grinch with me please ;) My friend, Allison, over at Funny Shade of Green has bequeathed unto me a Liebster Award! In the spirit of paying-it-forward, bloggers all around the interwebs encourage newbies like me to keep writing and spread the word about up and coming blogs like Giggles & Goodness. A big blushing thanks to Goose & Allison (seriously, subscribe to this blog...I've learned so much!!)

So now it's my turn to spur on some rockin' writers that I've come to love:

1. Remember to Breathe: Written by Cassie Husby, this blog will literally have you cheering and praying all at the same time! Cassie is a wife to Husby as I call him, and momma to Laila (who has the greatest curly hair ever...I'm so jealous of a little kid's hair!). Cassie battles Cystic Fibrosis and blogs about her struggles & triumphs...and her bucket list! Yes, a bucket list but it's AWESOME! She's checking things off left and right and I LOVE reading about it.

2. Little House in the Big City:Britt Schwartz is a new friend of mine from a momma's group down here in Fort Myers. She is a loving Christian momma who is sharing her excitement as she preps for her home birth after having 2 C-sections. She's a wealth of knowledge and I can't help but be excited for her as I read her updates and watch her little baby bump grow! Landon is set to make his appearance around Thanksgiving and following Britt's blog will give you the ins and outs of homebirthing!

3. To Sleep or Not to Sleep...: I met Jackie 8 years ago (holy moly guacamole...8 years!!!) when I was a newbie teacher at my first call in Maitland, FL. Jackie's husband was the teacher in the very next classroom and without Jackie & Brian's help and advice...I surely wouldn't have survived those first few teaching years. Jackie & Brian have two beautiful and growing kiddos. Jackie journals about her ups and downs getting the help and support they need for their son, who has been diagnosed with autism. It brings tears to my eyes to read the major triumphs that Christian has and gives me lots to pray about when the lows come around. Read Jackie's blog and you will learn so much about the world of autism. You will be hooked...trust me.

4. Momnmy Stuff: Sarah is the most down-to-earth-but-focused-on-heaven mommy I know. She has a way of saying just the right thing at the right time and her perspective and focus on her Savior is something I want to have so desperately. She's only written a few entries and this is my sly way of telling her to write more...because I need more! Sarah, for all of us, please teach us, yoda!

5. Natural Momma in an Unnatural World: Joylynn is new friend of mine from the interwebs who lives literally 10 minutes from me. She is mommy to an almost one-year-old little blessing. She writes from the heart in a way that just makes you feel like you've known her forever. She and I have found that we have lots in common, most importantly that we are striving to raise faith-filled little Christian kiddos. Keep on writing, Miss Joylynn...it always helps!

And now...the next part of the deal is that I write five random factoids about myself. This might be the hardest part of this whole post...what to tell, what to tell???

1. I still have my Rainbow Brite bedsheets from 1984. If I slept in a twin bed, I'd still be using them.

2. I dress my dog up in the "winter." She likes sweaters...she's not a big fan of the ginormous bow we put on her last Christmas.

3. I've so far made it through half of my courses towards my Masters degree in Reading Education. However, since birthing my sweet little Laura, I'm leaking brain matter. I don't think at this point in time I could put together a coherent academic sentence in order to finish...we shall see...

4. I LOVE The Office (U.S. version) and shamefully I tear up every time Jim & Pam get married. And I say "every time" because I have watched the first 6 seasons...repeatedly.

5. I two OCD tendencies that I will now admit: First, I have to have the toilet paper with the roll coming over top. I'll even switch it in bathrooms that are not in my house. Secondly, I rearrange the gum in the checkout aisles so the packs are all facing the same way. I know...I have issues. You don't need to say it ;)

Now to those 5 fabulous bloggers I listed above, you have a little bit of work to do...you're welcome.

Here you go:

1. Choose 5 up-and-coming blogs to give the Liebster Blog Award to. (Blogs must have less than 200 followers.)

2. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.

3. Post the award on your blog.

4. List the bloggers you gave the award to with links to their sites, and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they've received the award.

And I will - gladly.

5. Share five random facts about yourself!

Have fun!!