Do I Get a Day Off?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Maybe it's the feverish, pukey toddler refusing to nap right now or maybe it's the ever-growing feeling that I, too, shall be puking soon but I can't help but wonder: where's my day off???

Ever since I became a stay at home mom (SAHM) 6 months ago I've been told I have the best job ever and am so lucky to be able to do it. Truth. Amen. I don't debate that at all. I LOVE my job as a SAHM. I would not trade it for anything. But still: where's my sick day??? When do I get to sleep in until noon just because I could push off work until then??? Where's my break???

I could cry because I so badly need a day off. (READ: This by NO MEANS states that I don't love/want/care for my daughter...if that's what your reaction is, stop reading, and go away.) I just need some time. My job is 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I am definitely feeling it as Laura-love is sick, not sleeping through the night yet (and yes, she's 16 months old), and has been by my side all day long every day for weeks on end lately. There comes a point in time for me (and maybe just me, maybe not all moms feel this way ever. Good for you. You win) when I need a minute to myself. No, let's be honest, more than a minute to myself.

Yet, as a SAHM, frankly as a mother, someone whom God blessed with a child, there's a slight twinge of guilt in writing that, in asking for a break from one of my greatest blessings just for an hour or two. Why is that? Why do I feel like it's something I can't ask for? Why do I feel like I need to feel ashamed for being honest about how I feel? Is it wrong for me to feel like I need a day off...especially when I'm sick, too??? Here's the big question: does it make me a bad mom because I want a break every once in a great while?

I've done a lot of soul searching about this and here's the conclusion I've come to: I live in a sinful, decaying world. In a perfect world, no I would not need a break from my child, husband, job, etc. Sadly, though I strive for perfection, I can't attain it. My daily struggles with my own sinful nature and that of my child's wears on me. It literally makes me weary.  Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28. Jesus knows I will get tired. He knows I will struggle. He knows how I feel. At least my guilt is washed away there at the cross. I don't need to beat myself up for feeling like I'm tired and worn out. Jesus knows. Jesus promises an eternal break someday. 

As for physical rest, I've got to ask for it. I've got to make it known that I need it. I simply can't work all day long, every single day, and not have a moment to myself. Hopefully it doesn't take me getting the full-blown flu to get a break or a sleep-in one of these days! I guess for now it's time to dig deep, suck it up, pray for some sleep tonight and stop the Me Me Me's because I have no extra help today & I have a sick little munchkin calling "Momma Momma"...as she jumps up & down in her crib. 

Be Still

Sunday, November 4, 2012

There's something that I do on a semi-regular basis that I'm sure drives people in my life bananas at times. When I don't get enough time to myself, time to be still, time to rejuvenate...I shut down, close off, become unresponsive. I'm not talking catatonic like Cameron unresponsive, more like I don't answer text messages, don't return phone calls, and let emails build up in my inbox. I'm not doing those things out of spite or malice. I just need a break. I need to be still. (It's so incredibly hard to find time to be alone as a wife and mommy...so, so hard.)

When I lived in Orlando and was seeing my counselor there we often would talk about my lack of ME time. Time where I could without feeling guilty tell people no and just do something (or do nothing) that belonged just to me. Some people may not understand that at all and think it's totally selfish. I envy those people sometimes. Some people reach out to others...I definitely do not do that. Being the stubborn, independent soul that I am, I want to be left alone. I wish I didn't need to take breaks like this but I do. 

I've found that when I do step out and take my breaks it's usually because my brain is tired from trying to solve everything and my heart is heavy with worry. During the time I step away from everyone I tend to find peace & comfort from Jesus somehow. Whether it's a book, devotion, hymn, or prayer, God gives me peace. He helps me realize I can pick up and carry on because of Him alone. He never lets me stay away too long. He brings me back with a renewed strength to face whatever the trouble of the day is. I can't imagine how lost I'd feel without Him. I'd be destitute and a total recluse. 

Psalm 46 is one of my absolute favorites. I feel like when I need a fortress to hide in during my breaks, this description of God shows the safe haven I have in Him.


1 God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging. 
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress. 
8 Come and see the works of the Lord,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
    he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
    he burns the shields[b] with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress. 

God knows my weaknesses. He knows when I'm overwhelmed and need to shut down. His strength is beyond all that I could need to not just survive but thrive. He is always there as my defense, my safe place, my refuge.


My goal is to make sure that once a week, or more if I need it, I get time to myself, out of the house. Even if it's when Laura is asleep and it's to wander through a store or two. Just time to do something mindless outside of our blessed little home. I think that if I do that my big breaks will be fewer and shorter. The best part is knowing that even if I fail in doing that, God will not fail me. He will pick me up after the rest that I need and help me do the work He's blessed me with.

November Check-In

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I cannot believe it's November already! Laura, the Ladybug had a blasty blast trick-or-treating for the first time and Daddy enjoyed all the loot she collected with her cute little smile. October held our big trip to Michigan and we're just now all settled back in and into our new routine. 

Once we got back from our ten day fun fest I knew it was time to get to business with working out. My dear friend and kick butt accountability partner, Stephanie, is the most perfect person to help me workout on a regular basis. We started the Couch to 5K program on the Monday after we got back. Holy crapoly...I thought I was going to die during the first, and who are we kidding, second run. My only goal besides survival was to keep moving...just keep moving. It worked and by week two I was feeling awesome. Stephanie and I would meet up and do our timed runs according to the plan and since she's in better shape and just the get 'er done type, I was pushed and I LOVED it. 


Then Stephanie went on a cruise...NOT BLAMING HER at all. I'd have gone if she'd asked me ;) My sinful nature took over and I made every excuse in the book to not do my runs. This totally sucks and I'm wickedly embarrassed and not looking forward to Stephanie's face when she sees me next (please, oh sweet Stephanie, have mercy!). The only consolation is that I've decided that in writing this I'm shaking off this past week and moving forward. No matter how hard the beginning of the week 3 runs are, I'm going to get back on the horse this week. People, any one reading this, HELP ME stay on course! 

I've found this happens every time I notice that I'm losing weight or I get compliments on how I'm doing...I mess it up somehow. I sabotage myself. I'm just thankful I caught myself doing it this time and if that's the good that comes from skipping this week then I'm content with that. I've learned that if I continue to beat myself up for being human then I only defeat myself mentally and emotionally. 

So I'm brushing it off and I'm ready to run...  :)

October Stats:

Pounds Lost: 5.5! So, so, so incredibly happy about those 5!!
Clothing Size: 18/20
How I FEEL: Rededicated & Re-energized!

Back from Fall Family Fun Fest

Friday, October 19, 2012

It's been almost a whole week since Laura & I have gotten back from Michigan and I'm just now having a minute to sit and write about our trip. Our trip was amazing. It was everything I hoped it would be...all the essentials of a true Michigan autumn. 


Laura and I got to spend much needed quality time with my mom & sister (still didn't get to see my brother and sister-in-law and nephew as much as I wanted). We got to go to the apple orchard where I worked in high school & have delicious cider donuts & hot cider. We went to my old high school for their homecoming game...my first time back in 11 years. I bumped into some old classmates too. (I have to say it was uber weird that we're grown-ups (ha!) and have kiddos of our own.) We went to church at my old hometown church where I was baptized, confirmed, and married! We went to the BEST pumpkin farm with Laura's cousin, Logan. Laura licked a goat...yup, you read that correctly. Logan even had a sleep over one night at Irma's house (Grandma's house) so he could spend more time with his cousin. Laura LOVED playing with him and tried to do all the silly things he was doing. My sister and I made piecaken (pie baked inside of cake) because we had to ;) Mollie and I had a great lunch just the two of us at one of my favorite restaurants in Bay City. I got to finally help my sister with her mini-farm. Needless to say I'm not the best farmhand around but I held my own the temperamental rototiller! 


I was just so happy to share my most favorite fall things with Laura. I know she won't remember them but hopefully these pictures will help as I tell her stories when she's older. Who know when we'll be able to spend that much time with my family up north again. This was such a blessing. 


Ten days was a long time to be away from home. Truthfully I wasn't even paying attention when I bought the plane tickets as to how long we'd be gone. I was just going for the best deal...oops! I know it meant so much to my family that we came and actually stayed long enough to really relax and enjoy our time together. I did feel bad for my poor hubby. Mathew missed us so much and Laura & I both were so excited to see him in the airport. Every time we'd talk on the phone Laura would get this quizzical, almost sad look on her face. I can only imagine she was trying to figure out why she could hear her daddy but not hug him. I cried a little when they were finally reunited. I give mad props to any families that have to be separated for any length of time. You are far stronger than I am! 

So we are glad to be home and settling into our new and busy routine of going running, going to music class, swinging by the weekly farmers' markets, and just enjoying every minute of our blessed little life.
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